


Mixed Feelings

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Therapist/Patient
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 18:57:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9621203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry ;)





	

After all that he had been through in the past seven years with the Bureau, he had to admit he needed help keeping himself steady. There was nothing wrong with that. He’d been through more in seven years than most people had been through in a lifetime. First, his friend, Elle was shot in her own home, and then turned around and shot an unsub “without cause.” It was never confirmed, but everyone on the team knew it happened. Then he was taken captive by Tobias Henkel, tortured both physically and mentally for two days, and saved - with a Dilauded addiction in tow. 

For months, Spencer struggled with his addiction until he was finally able to get control of it. Then he was shot in the knee on the job, and most recently, his boss and friend’s wife, Hayley was shot by The Reaper, leaving his son Jack without a mother. This team had been through hell and he was finally able to admit that he didn’t have the ability to get through absolutely everything on his own.

That’s when he’d started seeing Y/N, the Bureau’s resident psychologist. At first, he was afraid to confide in someone at the Bureau. What if something about him alerted her and she told the Bureau and he lost his job? This job was his life - he wasn’t sure what he would do without it. However, in their first appointment, last week, she’d convinced him that to say anything would be to violate doctor/patient confidentiality. 

“Whatever you tell me, you say in confidence, Spencer,” she’d said. “I promise.”

Immediately after leaving her office, he felt lighter. They’d only discussed Hayley’s death so far, but he felt a little bit better - and she had convinced him that he could talk to her without fear of losing his job. With that, he made an appointment to see her every week, and today was his second appointment. 

“Hi Spencer,” she said, her warm smile inviting him to sit down on the couch opposite her. “How are you doing today?”

With a huff, he sat down on the couch and took a deep breath. “Actually looking forward to this,” he laughed. He never thought he’d enjoy therapy - he hated asking for help.

“There something in particular you need to get off your chest?” she asked, uncrossing her legs and getting up from her chair to grab them both a bottle of water. 

“Kind of, yea,” he said, thinking back to this past week. After dropping off some files for Hotch to work on while he was home, he’d had a craving for the drug that had almost ruined his life. “About three years ago, I was addicted to Dilauded,” he admitted.

“But you’re not anymore?” she asked, sitting down casually across from him. 

That’s what he liked about her; she wasn’t shrinky, she didn’t take notes or anything, she just talked. “No, after about ten months I started going to NA meetings and now I’m clean. It’s just, that after everything that’s happened with Hotch, I found myself craving this week.”

“When I first started college, I got into a very bad car accident, and ended up addicted to pain pills, so I know the craving feeling well,” she said, reaching into her pocket. She pulled out three coins. “A five year, and two one year coins.” She was seven years sober. “You didn’t give in to the craving?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Why?” she asked. “What did you think about that allowed you to not give in?”

He actually hadn’t thought about. It wasn’t a small craving, but it wasn’t an overwhelming one either. But when he thought about it more, he managed to come up with an answer. “I guess I didn’t give in because I know this team couldn’t handle more than one person falling apart at a time, and right now, we all need to be strong for Hotch’s sake.”

“So you wanted to stay strong for your family?” she asked with a smile. “That’s what keeps me going too. Love is a powerful motivator.” Moving around in her chair, she continued to ask him about his teammates. As he spoke, he found his mind wandering in a separate direction that his mouth. While he talked about his friends, his mind fixated on her smile and her eyes; they shimmered when she smiled. Focus, he told himself. 

Nearly an hour later, the session was over, but he felt so much better that he decided to keep the appointment for the following week. Being able to talk about his drug history without feeling persecuted and having someone who understand the cravings first hand was truly helpful. “Looking forward to it,” he said, turning around to face her on his way out. 

“Me, too,” she said softly. “See you soon, Spencer.”

——-

Week after week, Spencer made his way into Y/N’s office, unloading all of the shadow he had collected over his lifetime. They spoke of his mother and her schizophrenia, the fact that his father walked out on them, hid drug problem and how it developed - he divulged it all.

Throughout it all, she knew just how to help him. She’d tell him a bit about her own background, but never actually made their sessions about her. They’d just talk. 

For a while, their sessions were cleansing him week after week, but for some reason, he stopped feeling better. This time, he knew exactly why - he was falling for his therapist. On top of being beautiful, she was amazingly intelligent, a star in her field, funny, sweet, caring. She was the entire package, but she was his therapist, so how was he supposed to say anything? Their sessions became less and less frequent. It was too difficult to sit in therapy with her knowing that he was falling in love with her. She’d probably think the whole idea was completely unprofessional, but they were so alike in so many ways, he found himself connecting to her in a way he hadn’t expected. 

A month after he’d last seen her, he went to another appointment. “Hey Spencer,” she said casually, a tentative smile flashing across her face. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’m okay,” he lied, “Just haven’t been feeling well.” She scrunched her brow; she didn’t believe him and he didn’t blame her. He was a terrible liar. 

She cleared her throat and sat on the chair across from him. “Spencer, I can tell that something is wrong. It’s okay. I’ve heard it all before.”

He wasn’t quite sure about that. It wasn’t every day that a patient fell for his therapist. “I doubt it,” he said, feigning a smile. 

“Try me,” she replied.

He took a deep breath. Was he really about to confess how he felt about her? Should he? Was it completely unprofessional? “I haven’t been i-in in a while because I-I’ve been avoiding you,” he admitted, looking down at his fidgeting fingers. He was praying that she knew exactly what he meant so he wouldn’t have to say it, but being the good therapist that she was, she continued interrogating.

“You’ve been avoiding me? Why?” she asked, shifting in her seat. In the few tense moments before he spoke, he drank nearly his entire water bottle.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable at all, so if you feel like you need to not have me as a patient anymore I understand, but…I-I’ve developed feelings r-regarding you…over the past couple of months.” He finished speaking and looked up, a small smile staining the corners of her lips. “So you have heard it all before?” he asked.

“No, I actually haven’t heard that yet,” she chuckled softly. “Why wouldn’t you just say something?” The light streaming into the office hung beautifully around her delicate features. 

“W-What do you mean why?” he asked incredulously. “Isn’t it obvious? You’re my therapist, I’ve developed feelings for you. At first, I thought it was just the fact that you’ve helped me, but it’s not just that, I find myself thinking about you all the time. I didn’t say anything because of the relationship that we have. I didn’t want to ruin that,” he finished rambling. 

“But you’ve limited that relationship anyway,” she laughed again. “Nothing says I have to remain your therapist Spencer. Yes, dating a client would be frowned upon, but nothing says you have to remain my client. To be truthful, I’ve imagined us going out on a date quite a few times.” Her smirk put him at ease. 

“So you mean, I could find another therapist and m-maybe take you to dinner some time?” he asked, his heart hopeful for the first time in the past two months. “I didn’t completely fuck this up.”

She laughed. As far as he could remember, he hadn’t cursed in front of her. “No, you haven’t fucked it up. I can’t keep you as a client, but if you’d like to dump me as your therapist, I’d love to go out with you…you’re probably one of the cutest clients I’ve ever had. Will this be your last appointment?” she asked.

“I think it is,” he smiled. “Do I have to sign anything to discontinue our professional relationship?”

She pulled out a form for him to sign. “So that’s it, we are no longer patient and client,” she said, getting up from her chair and sitting next to him on the couch.

Gently, he pulled her toward him by the base of her neck, grazing slightly against her lips before pressing them firmly to her own. “Good.”


End file.
